


Flesh and Blood

by ismellitblue



Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, F/M, Gen, Homosexuality, Hurt, Illnesses, Major Character Injury, Other, Sexual Repression, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25245154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ismellitblue/pseuds/ismellitblue
Summary: Larry manages to avoid crashing after fusing with the Negative Spirit, that doesn't make life any easier.
Relationships: John Bowers/Larry Trainor, Keeg Bovo & Larry Trainor, Larry Trainor/Sheryl Trainor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Doom Patrol.

A week after he _almost_ crashes the X-15 Larry is stuck in hospital.His superiors come in and ask question after question.Doctors run test after test,until he’s certain they’re going to suck all the fluids out of him.

“Can I leave now?”He asks every morning and each time he gets a negative response.

In the beginning of the second week, everyone,Larry included,finally gets an answer as to why the country’s best pilot passed out mid flight, and it’s not a good one.

Leukaemia.

At first,the word doesn’t really register for Larry.Cancer means sickly,too pale people,constantly fighting off pain-none of those things apply to Larry,so the diagnosis must be wrong.He asks for a retest,and the doctors comply-and when they come back,they throw the same word back at him.This time it’s accompanied by another,equally devastating word.

_Chemotherapy._

***

His treatment starts almost immediately after his second test results come back.Sheryl comes to visit him once a week.

“The kids need me”She can’t quite hide the relief in her voice when she says it,and Larry doesn’t blame her.He tells the nurses the same when they quiz him,and they still continue asking, but at least the suspicion is gone from their eyes.

 _Nothing strange here.Move along._ He wants to say each time they ask,but instead he bites his tongue and tries for a smile.

“It’s a good thing your friend is here to help though”At the mention of John(his one constant throughout the whole thing),he fights to keep the panic from his face.

“No one is going to think it’s strange for your friend to look after you”John’d said the one time Larry had mentioned it.

It’s true,but he still worries…Larry always worries


	2. Chapter 2

When his first cycle of chemo ends,there’s no change,not on him physically and not on the cancerous cells adorning his insides.His doctors murmur quietly to themselves ,not quite able to hide their shock.There are more tests after that,and Larry gets the feeling they’re looking for something other than the abnormal cancer growths.

… _It scares him_ ,in those moments it’s like they’ve forgotten he’s human.One man(a Dr Forsythe) had even suggested they cut Larry open,take a look at his insides and see if they’d find anything.The others had actually been nodding along when Larry-who was still in the room,had voiced his protest.Not a single one of them had looked ashamed,if anything they were angry that he was against being butchered.

Not long after that,they start him on a new round of chemo,using stronger meds…it is also the first time Larry dreams since he’s been in hospital.

***

At first,he forgets the dreams as soon as he wakes up.But as the days pass,they start taking form,until one day he’s ten years old again,running around in the backyard of his childhood home.

Storm clouds gather in the distance and he stops playing,pausing to watch as lightning dances across the darkening skies.

A phantom breeze moves across the dead leaves,and for a second they cover him completely.When they fall back down,Larry is no longer in the body of his ten year old self,he is a fully grown man watching the incoming storm.

There is a loud crack and the old pine trees at the edge of the property turn to ashes.The lightning looms closer,falling across the earth like giant pillars.It’s the stuff nightmares are made of,but strangely enough Larry isn’t scared.

There’s one final crack,and a flash of blinding light.

The sky above clears,but Larry barely notices that.All his attention is on the wisps of lightning slowly pulling themselves together in front of him.There is something off about its shade of blue… _too bright,too sparkly and eerily familiar_.

The lightning floats upwards,enveloping him the way the leaves had.The tendrils burn like fire,and when Larry takes a breath,ozone drifts down to his lungs,seeping into his veins and replacing the blood.

Once it’s taken over every part of him,the lightning detaches and Larry can only watch as it converges and morphs until he’s staring at a humanoid form.

 _I know you_.He thinks, and the being in front of him nods,hearing his thoughts.

It holds out a hand,both a question and an invitation, and Larry stares for a bit,considering.In the end he just shrugs-it’s a dream afterall,and slips his hand into the being’s waiting one…and his world is consumed by light.

***

The light fades abruptly from Larry’s vision,and when he blinks the spots out of his eyes,he realizes he’s back in his hospital room.His head itches,and he reaches up to scratch it absentmindedly.

His hand comes back with a clump of hair,and when he twists to get a better look, tufts of hair fall around him like dandelions.

***

The doctors tell him it’s the chemo.

A delayed reaction.

They say it with such disappointed faces,like they were waiting to prove he wasn’t human so that they could cut into him freely.It’s probably nothing,but Larry decides then and there to keep the strange dream to himself-the thought of sharing how when his hair had been falling around him,his chest had been alight, is buried somewhere next to the fact that he prefers men.

He says nothing to John,too focused on making sure no one sees anything wrong with the other being there,and when Sheryl comes for her weekly hour of awkward silence,he sees no reason to tell her either.

A week after his hair falls off,his nails follow.He spends his waking moments staring at his nail-less hands,unlike his bald head,he can’t ignore them-they’re right there-all the time.

“It’s not so bad Larry-they’ll grow back,even your hair will come back”

“To me you still look fantastic”He doesn’t even bother to try and admonish John.Too focused on his own thoughts.

***

One morning he wakes up feelong a little under the weather.By afternoon, he's got a full blown fever and the world takes on a hazy view.Treading dreams and wakefulness in that crazy way that only illness can bring. They stop his treatment, stop all talk of fighting and star stressing the need for palliative care. For the most part Larry just stares,too scared to tell them that the radiation sessions had actually soothed him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Doom Patrol.

“Dreadful place isn’t it,”Larry’s never seen the doctor in the wheelchair before.But his tag reads Dr Caulder.The man catches Larry’s gaze, and smiles thumbing the tag.

“Not that kind of doctor, I’m more of a…chemist, and I dally in engineering,”He gives Larry an impish grin, and after weeks of nothing but sadness, Larry’s shocked that he wants to return it- _he_ _doesn’t_.

“I’m not here on official capacity,I’ve just been hearing a lot about your case and I wanted to know how you’re holding up,”It’s the first time a member of the staff has treated him like a human being,and he’s shocked to feel his eyes sting-his tear ducts had collapsed when his skin had fallen off,so his version of crying is now blinking rapidly.

“I’m doing as well as can be expected,”He rasps, and the man gives him an understanding look,his fist tapping lightly at the wheels of his chair.

They talk for a little while, and when the man-call me Niles- asks Larry if he’s been having nightmares or strange dreams, it’s on the tip of his tongue to tell him the truth, but Larry catches something in the man’s eyes.His face remains genial,but Larry has seen the hungry look in his eyes too many times to dismiss it.

It’s the look old men in seedy gay bars give to the young kids testing the waters right before they snatch them up.Even as a relative newbie to the underground scene,Larry had instinctively known to stay away from them,such men liked playing games until their toys broke and they cast them aside.Niles’ look does not have a sexual quality to it, but Larry still recognizes the snake coiled beneath the surface.

Instinct tells him to shut his mouth-but years of lying about his very soul keep his mouth moving.He admits to nightmares,the whole staff knows about those-so he tells the man he dreams of crashing, blue entities not once being mentioned.Something dims in Niles’ eyes then,but Larry can still see his fangs, so he feigns sleep for a few minutes,waiting until the man leaves to grasp the ball of light in his chest.

***

Four months after his nightmare began,the doctors tell him he has six months to live.They also strongly hint at how he’ll be a ‘ _hero’_ if he decides to donate his body to science.

Larry declines.

That same day,Sheryl comes to visit.

“I want a divorce ,Larry,”It speaks volumes about the deterioration of their marriage that both of them let out relieved sighs once she’s said the words.Still,Larry wants to protest-to keep up the façade-but he stops himself.

Six months,the doctors had said, so for the first time in his life Larry has a choice.Carry on the lie he’s been living most of his life, or die being a little less selfish.

He looks over at Sheryl,her eyes full of tears,ready for him to refuse and it makes his decision easier.

“Alright,”He whispers and she cries by his bedside-too scared of hurting him to hug him.

Later that day she brings the boys by-their tiny voices coming in through the intercom(both and Sheryl had decided it was best not to let the boys see him).

Throughout their short lives, Larry’s been nothing but unkind, cold and controlling-treating them the same way his own father had treated him.But death is knocking at his door and he doesn’t want them to grow up wondering if he ever truly loved them.

“I-I’m proud of you boys,”His words are followed by a shocked gasp(Gary), and muffled sobbing(Paul).

“Really, Daddy?”The disbelief in Gary’s voice is hard to bare,if he could, Larry would be hugging him-hugging all three of them really.But he’d had his chance and he’d blown it.

“ _Always_ ,” He says, and listens to his children break down again.

***

Knowing you’re dying brings a sort of clarity.It’s easier to face what a monster he’s become now that he knows the end is near.

It’s part of the reason he decides to set John free as well.

John is his everything, but as much as the man means to him,Larry knows he’s become dead weight to him.John deserves someone not afraid to hold his hand in public,someone who’ll take him dancing, who won’t mind kissing him in gay bars where its safe.But no matter where they are,Larry’s in too deep to love John the way he deserves.

It… _hurts_.

Telling John to go is like a physical blow.It sears right through Larry’s chest, a hot poker being ran through his heart.

But he still does it… and then he’s all alone, left to die on his own like the monster he is.

Except he’s not alone. Curled up beneath the hospital blankets, the darkness there was suddenly pierced by radiant blue light…coming straight from Larry’s chest.

The first time he’d seen it,he’d been coming down from chemo,and he’d been certain later that he’d imagined it. But he’s not high, or hungover, and he’s pretty certain he’s not dreaming.

He puts a shaky hand over the light, and it pulses, moving over his fingers in a sentient way.

“Hello?”He whispers and the light stills.

“Can you hear me?”It remains unmoving“Blink twice if you can”There’s a pause,then the light in his chest goes out, it come back, goes out again, and a second later its back on… _oh_.

***

Thing is…Larry’s not an idiot.

He might play the part of a hot-shot pilot, getting by on good looks and charm, but looks and charisma would not have gotten him to the pinnacle of his profession.

He takes deep breaths, concealing his panic even as everything falls into place.

This is it.

The thing that everyone’s been waiting for.The reason for all those invasive questions, they were looking to see if he’d come back altered-or had brought back a companion. He’s overcome by a sudden urge to tell someone, maybe Dr Caulder, he seemed nice enough.

Yes, he should, he should tell Niles, Niles would know what to do. He’s almost shrugged off his blanket when there’s a roar of static, breaking his train of thought and Larry settles back down. Blinking slowly as the sudden urge to tell Niles dissipates.

_Tell me anything, tell me anything_ ….during their brief conversation, Niles hadn’t explicitly said the words,but they been there in his warm eyes, kind smile, and soothing voice.

Larry’s heard of priming before, but he’s never seen it done without words-Niles Caulder is a _dangerous_ man. He needs to get as far away from the elderly doctor as possible.

***

“Captain Trainor,staying in hospital would be best for you-we’ll be able to make sure your end is comfortable,”Larry is vaguely aware of Forsythe prattling on as he signs himself out,but he doesn’t really care.

He pulls on his long coat with difficulty, his body is irritated by everything now.From his eyes all the way to the soles of his feet which need thick socks before he can even think of shoes.Eyes covered with dark glasses and a scarf pulled up over his nose and mouth.Larry grabs his hat and makes his way out the hospital. He turns only once, giving a disrespectful short wave at a red faced Forsythe.

Driving off, he catches sight of Niles Caulder in his rearview mirror.

The doctor isn’t doing anything, just staring, but it’s somehow the most unnerving encounter Larry’s ever had. He speeds up and doesn’t stop until the hospital is just a small dot in the distance.


End file.
